GETTING AWAY FROM IT ALL

Sometime there comes a point when we just want to get away. The stress and anxiety of our daily life pushes us to taking a luxury holiday in the belief that it will prove the panacea for our problems. Put enough distance between us and them and they’ll go away. Sadly it isn’t always a successful strategy; worries can travel with us and spending two weeks lying on a beach, soaking up the sun may give more opportunity than we would like to dwell on them

My own preference for a totally destressing break remains an activity holiday. Trekking (amongst my clients Kilimanjaro remains the most popular destination), white water rafting, cycling, climbing, sailing or my own recent choice of skiing all work in the same way. During the day you are concentrating so much on staying upright, defeating the elements and terrain to reach your destination intact that you can think of nothing else. At night you are so exhausted you really do sleep! Net result: you arrive home mentally refreshed, physically fit and ready to face the problems confronting you again.

GANG SHOW

Gang Show 07
Originally uploaded by Mark E
I have just returned home after watching my nephews participate in a local gang show. Nothing in “Riding Along on the Crest of a Wave” that could possibly have any connection with divorce you might think, and yes you would be correct. In fact the closest we got to anything that could be repeated in this blog was when one boy scout dressed as a woman said to another boy scout dressed as a woman: “There are enough grounds in this cup of coffee for a divorce.”

Your Ex and His New Girlfriend....

People magazine featured a photo today of Hulk Hogan, who is in the middle of a nasty divorce battle, at the beach, cuddling up with his new lover. You have to wonder how his soon to be ex-wife of 24 years feels. If she is like most women going through a divorce, it hurts her to see her ex with someone else.

I remember, when during my own divorce, I found out that my ex took his mistress to Christmas dinner with his family. It was shocking that I could be replaced so quickly after 13 years of marriage. Months later I found out that he was planning to take her on our family vacation, a timeshare in Florida that we had gone to with our kids every year. To me that was almost sacrilegious. It is one thing to cheat and quite another to bring your lover to a place where you have many happy memories with your wife and kids at.

Thankfully the trip did not happen. Other women have not been so lucky. A women I know found out that her husband not only took his mistress to their favorite vacation place, he was also taking their beloved dogs with him to visit his girlfriend. The thought her husband's lover touching her pets made her sick.

Why do men become so insensitive during a divorce? Even Jenifer Aniston said that ex-husband Brad Pitt was "missing a sensitivity chip" when he began going out in public with Angelina Jolie before the ink was dry on their divorce papers. I think men become so armoured with a new love that they forget that they are hurting their ex-wives and children by flaunting their new loves.

My advice to men is be discreet and keep your new relationship quiet during the intital stages of divorce. Stop and think how your actions are going to affect your ex-wife and kids. And make sure to pick a new vacation place to take your girlfriend to! There is no need to bring her to a place you visited with your wife.

IN VOGUE

Have you ever fancied being a magazine cover girl? Have you taken your flight of fancy still further and tried to become something you are not? At a time when makeovers are in vogue, the pressure upon us to look good, stay active and behave 20 years younger than we really are has never been so great. What if it’s only you who seeks to change and not your partner? If you go down this path isn’t it something you should do together? If not, what will be the outcome?

If you are nonetheless confident that becoming the new front page face is certainly your style then just click here.

DOUBLE DIVORCE BLOW

Yesterday a Muslim man in Malaysia divorced his two wives within minutes of each other in the same court. Apparently both women, who are reported to get on well with each other and who both lived with the man concerned, had expressed a simultaneous desire to be divorced, begging the question whether this was some kind of plot or alternatively what extremes of behaviour he had displayed to lose not just one but both of his wives. What must have made it even worse is that the women’s occupations (a housewife and a nurse) were obviously designed to meet his every need. In any event the husband said “talaq” against first one and then the other.

Here in the UK polygamous marriages are, of course, prohibited regardless of one’s religion. It does make you wonder, however, about the complexity of the financial proceedings that could follow. Indeed those men who think they get a rough deal here when the house is sold and they receive only a small percentage of the proceeds could fare a lot worse if they had two wives to re-house and pay maintenance for.

Gaining Weight After a Divorce...

Last night I was watching an episode of the new show "I Can Make You Thin". The host claims to be able to help people lose weight by using various tapping techniques to help them conquer emotional overeating.

There was a woman featured on the show who gained a substantial amount of weight after her divorce. She was shocked and devastated when she discovered her husband was having an affair with her brother's wife.

For two years, she suppressed her emotions and turned to food for comfort. This reaction to a divorce is common. People who suffer through a traumatic event, such as divorce, often use food, alcohol, drugs or other distractions like gambling or shopping to help numb the pain. So how can you avoid putting on the pounds or becoming addicted to something after a divorce?

The best way is to deal with your emotions while you are having them. Do not suppress feelings that arise. If you feel angry with your ex you need to acknowledge the feeling, allow it to be and then let it go. The key is to feel the feelings, accept them as normal and them release them. Deal directly with painful emotions instead of burying them with food or alcohol. You find that you will reach less for comfort foods when you find out what is really bothering you inside.

LOOKING AFTER NUMBER ONE

Whilst skiing last week, Outdoor Man and I separated. It was the usual thing; he and Little Girl flew down the slope so fast that they skied right past the lift we were taking. Now I may be slow but that does not mean that I am stupid. Hence, I hopped on the lift, motioning to them as I drifted overhead that I’d see them at the top. They had a long detour to make and an extra lift, so it meant that I had a solitary 40 minutes to pass as best I could.

I headed for the terrace of a conveniently situated restaurant. With sunshine on my face, a gluhwein to indulge in and all around the majestic scenery of the mountain tops, it was a most satisfying interlude.

When you are all alone, it is, of course, vital that you look after yourself.